June 2011 Newsletter :

May 31, 2011

Summer is right around the corner, and many families will have children at home ? whether they are on college vacation, school vacation, or simply coming home for a visit (often with extended families in tow). While it can be relaxing and fun to have everyone home, it can also be stressful.

Any time there is a transition, there will be stress involved. Knowing this can help you to better prepare. Working through the transition can be made easier by providing ourselves with the knowledge that we will be in an adaptive stage. Recognize that everyone will be somewhat confused at the beginning of the transition ? expect to have some anxiety until everyone has adapted. Set long term goals for summer plans, as well as short term daily goals. Most young children do best with a routine. Having a set schedule of daily chores as well as activities will help young children (up to age 10) adapt better to the summer schedule. Older children should be given more freedom, but should still have established boundaries within which they operate (chores as well as check in times). Children returning from college will have a hard time getting used to new rules, as many have been operating without parental input on their day to day activities during the school year. Establishing rules and boundaries that make sense for the parents as well as respecting the returning college student?s autonomy will go far in providing a conflict free summer.

A great habit to establish over the summer is the family meeting. Set aside a time each week to check in with one another. This is a time to plan activities for the week, divide chores, and talk about issues or concerns. Everyone does the family meeting a little bit differently, but knowing that there is a time where everyone will be together to talk things out is a proactive way to alleviate problems.

Summer is a time to get to know one another. Family bonding is especially important during vacation times, as people will find it easier to connect. Make sure to plan fun family activities such as outdoor games of kickball or croquet; as well as indoor games of charades or board games. Playing together is one of the most important things we can do with our children. It is a way to bond, exercise, and work towards common goals all within the backdrop of having fun.

Our experience with the world is defined first within our families. How we learn to relate to others is developed within the context of how we form relationships within our families. Providing an environment of consistency, problem solving and fun are some of the fundamental pieces of a family.

As Leon Seltzer, Ph.D, said in his Psychology Today article ?When we bond well with our?parents, we?re able to feel connected, comforted and secure about our place in the family. In such cases our home is truly our sanctuary?a place to which we can regularly return (or retreat) to get the reassurance and succor that?we all need as children.

Published on December 7, 2008 by?Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D.?in?Evolution of the Self

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